finally addressing the misogynoir in the room...
i think it's about time
“I am standing here as a black lesbian poet, and the meaning of all that waits upon the fact that I am still alive, and might not have been.” — Audre Lorde
5/12/26, 2:42 PM
No, I didn’t read or research anything before writing this. Aycee Brown told me to write about something that I was emotionally interested in but couldn’t explain intellectually because I’m an Aquarius rising. Misogynoir is that something.
But anyways, shouldn’t my interest in a topic and my direct experience of that topic be enough for me to share my personal expertise on it? That’s where misogynoir starts first. Before it is violent, before it is brash, before it is condescending, it’s the subtle firmament that exists between you and your best ideas, convincing you that you can’t go there.
“Wait! If you go there, people will leave!”
“Slow down! If you go there, people will get their feelings hurt!”
“Hold up! If you go there, you won’t be able to control the outcome!”
My reply to all of this: SO FUCKING WHAT?
Let them sashay away. Let them sulk. Let the alabaster break. I don’t care anymore, actually. There’s a psychic scythe of discernment that has been gnawing it’s way out of me for years and now it’s about to burst through my shoulder blades.
Spiritual warfare is real because there’s been a voice in my head shouting at me that I’m worthless every time I get too close to my greatness. I’ve danced with this voice, surrendered to it, thrown punches at it then cursed it to hell, but it still keeps coming back. Can spirits live in sigils? Can sigils be intentionally embedded into collective consciousness, thereby embedding a specific spirit into every person’s psyche? Is there a chaos magician or alchemist who knows the answers to these questions? Please comment, if so.
Anyways, the spirit of misogynoir has been embedded into my conscious awareness by means that I cannot explain nor remember. Who put the idea that I should hate myself into my mind? Obviously yes, white supremacist colonial structures and ways of being of course, but I mean to ask: who specifically embedded this sigil without my consent? What’s their name, height and address? Or the names, heights and addresses of their living descendants? Ogun, give me the tools.
I’ve felt this spirit sulking in every room of Black femmes I’m in. It’s in the unfocused eyes and too tightly clasped hands and throat chakra tension. Not as a siren, but as a whisper, ever so slightly rubbing a chilled pointer finger up the spine of all its survivors until the end of eternity. Because it’s not so bad right? A little healthy self-doubt never hurt anybody, right?
Mikayla Rose said that even demons work for God, and you know what? She’s ain’t lie. The opposition is meant to activate that part of you that’s already a fucking gangster with six bodies and literally has nothing to lose but their chains. Fearing my own power as a Black femme is the paramount fruit of being a host for the spirit of misogynoir. But you know what? Ain’t no pride in none of these peaches, chile. I want them all burned to a crisp.
And to think I toned myself down because my elderly father said that he didn’t understand what I was saying in my short form content. He took advantage of the fact that I genuinely revere my ancestors and elders so he could get me to speak in a way that was more palatable for his dogmatic Christian ears. I obliged because I didn’t want to be ageist and exclude my predecessors, but it was literally just tone policing. Forced shrinking. “Why are you yelling?” “Why do you have to curse?” Because of the patriarchy, you asshole! That’s why! The same patriarchy that’s ruining your life too! You’re 66 and limping between two houses you’re renovating because you believed Uncle Sam when he told you that you could become a millionaire by being a landlord, but all you have to show for it is two knees lacking cartilage and an estranged child. I don’t know what else to tell you!
And I see that spirit! With it’s hankering gait and potholes for eyes! I feel it’s chill on my spine when I’m finally about to say something that actually holds weight! I hear it’s disinterest and weaponized incompetence in your voice! I see it’s desperation for rigid control when you tell your darkskin Black wife “don’t do that” after she rightfully shows you the mirror! It’s YOU! It’s always been you! And now here I am, in your house, staring at all of these rotten roots, holding back my indigenous instinct to set fire to all of this overgrowth.
But I’m crazy? I’m the one who’s too much?
Yeah, that’s misogynoir alright. And I see your crazy ass now. Fully. Chile, lemme suit up, I’m bout to walk this dog fr.
What does this song make you feel? Does it trigger memories of your religious upbringing? Where does it take you back to? These are not rhetorical questions, I actually want to know! Reply back and tell me how CeCe just delivered you. All acts of remembrance are safe and sacred here.
trying to figure out wtf this even was,
earth angel g.f. x
“Can spirits live in sigils? Can sigils be intentionally embedded into collective consciousness, thereby embedding a specific spirit into every person’s psyche?”
It’s widely believed in Chaos Magic communities that spirits can be implanted into sigils. This has been used to create servitors, which are spirits/thought forms that will perform services based on an agreed upon exchange, often food or praise. There is some debate over how autonomous servitors are.
An egregore is a bigger and more powerful spirit that is created by shared belief, and may be intentionally or unintentionally created by a group. They are believed to be significantly more autonomous than servitors and can influence people, including their creators. They could outlast their creators as long as there is enough belief/energy to sustain them. There is speculation that egregores may be tied to corporate logos.
One of the things I wonder is whether egregores can interact with each other to create new spirits. Purely speculation, but perhaps misogynoir is the offspring of misogyny and anti-black racism rather than the event of both at the same time? I do feel that it is sufficiently distinct from either.