This is so relatable in terms of sexuality and gender. Even knowing my preference for women, it took a long time to accept and claim the identity of lesbian for myself - and so much of it had to do with centering men when I was younger. But the biggest change for me was when I learned more about gender and all its identities, expressions, and experiences. When you describe associating comfort with masculinity, it reminded me of the day I realized oh, hey, I don't HAVE to be a woman because of a gender I was assigned at birth. Dropping "woman" as an identity felt like this sigh of relief, of just being a person. One whose identity isn't hinged on a relationship with men and performances of femininity.
With it has come enjoying comfortable, colorful clothes, stretching out my legs as much as comfortable, walking more fully, and taking up space. Simply being as a person, devoid of gender and its expectations, has been the most liberating thing in my life. Sometimes, I'm more femme. Other days, I'm more masculine. Gender expression is like costume jewelry to me, and I'm not a performer.
tl;dr - queerness is liberation. It's a gift, it's shifting social expectations and paradigms. It quashes gender hierarchies and shows them for the obsolete social constructs they are. It's freeing and wonderful and magical, and it's a joy to read other queer folks experiences and to share in it. Thank you for writing this!
ohhhh my sweet aleksander!! you’re SO right about the “sigh of relief” that comes with dropping traditional gender identities. like just referring to myself as a person makes everything feel so much more weightless!! queerness is liberation, through and through 🙂↕️
oh my goodness that intro hahaa - literally same. i broke up with my male partner the other day because i’m gay and i feel like i don’t have to pretend anymore
While I understand how freeing it is to freely socialize and romantically explore woman, I get uneasy about the black and white thinking of "woman = amazing". I worry it blurs the complexities of the human experience of AFAB people and puts us in a box. Any deviation from that box is equated to a moral failing instead of just existing. But, I do resonant with the struggle on how patriachy requires us to act from a place of discomfort.
i do believe that AFAB people are naturally amazing, but the patriarchy and capitalism is what makes them deviate/devolve. women can absolutely be emotional terrorists in the same way men can, but i always like to think about how they got that way, which is due to the hellish systems in which we live ♥️
Okay, so what should I as a white guy do? (im really asking honestly, like of course im from different philosophical environment than you, but still i would like to break out from my social bubble and find out what you think)
i guess i went with that framework bc what we are assigned usually determines how we are socialized, which ultimately contributes to our entire worldview. but def open to alternatives!
This is so relatable in terms of sexuality and gender. Even knowing my preference for women, it took a long time to accept and claim the identity of lesbian for myself - and so much of it had to do with centering men when I was younger. But the biggest change for me was when I learned more about gender and all its identities, expressions, and experiences. When you describe associating comfort with masculinity, it reminded me of the day I realized oh, hey, I don't HAVE to be a woman because of a gender I was assigned at birth. Dropping "woman" as an identity felt like this sigh of relief, of just being a person. One whose identity isn't hinged on a relationship with men and performances of femininity.
With it has come enjoying comfortable, colorful clothes, stretching out my legs as much as comfortable, walking more fully, and taking up space. Simply being as a person, devoid of gender and its expectations, has been the most liberating thing in my life. Sometimes, I'm more femme. Other days, I'm more masculine. Gender expression is like costume jewelry to me, and I'm not a performer.
tl;dr - queerness is liberation. It's a gift, it's shifting social expectations and paradigms. It quashes gender hierarchies and shows them for the obsolete social constructs they are. It's freeing and wonderful and magical, and it's a joy to read other queer folks experiences and to share in it. Thank you for writing this!
ohhhh my sweet aleksander!! you’re SO right about the “sigh of relief” that comes with dropping traditional gender identities. like just referring to myself as a person makes everything feel so much more weightless!! queerness is liberation, through and through 🙂↕️
oh my goodness that intro hahaa - literally same. i broke up with my male partner the other day because i’m gay and i feel like i don’t have to pretend anymore
omg congrats?!?! but also hope ur doing ok ♥️♥️
While I understand how freeing it is to freely socialize and romantically explore woman, I get uneasy about the black and white thinking of "woman = amazing". I worry it blurs the complexities of the human experience of AFAB people and puts us in a box. Any deviation from that box is equated to a moral failing instead of just existing. But, I do resonant with the struggle on how patriachy requires us to act from a place of discomfort.
i do believe that AFAB people are naturally amazing, but the patriarchy and capitalism is what makes them deviate/devolve. women can absolutely be emotional terrorists in the same way men can, but i always like to think about how they got that way, which is due to the hellish systems in which we live ♥️
I am sorry if thats really how you feel about us men.
Best regards
White supremacist exploiter
it’s not about how i feel, it’s about the truth of the oppressive systems that keep us in chains.
Okay, so what should I as a white guy do? (im really asking honestly, like of course im from different philosophical environment than you, but still i would like to break out from my social bubble and find out what you think)
you can start with reading white fragility by robin diangelo ♥️
You’re asking Grace to do the labor of educating you, when that’s kinda your duty as a man. In my view anyhow
i guess i went with that framework bc what we are assigned usually determines how we are socialized, which ultimately contributes to our entire worldview. but def open to alternatives!
AH i hadn’t considered that! thank you for shedding light on this, i’ll keep it in mind in the future ♥️